We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
