Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
