I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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