what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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