how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
