and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
