True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
