I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
