She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
