I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
