before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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