He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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