i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
