wanna go halves on a baby?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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