Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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