Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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