Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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