Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize