I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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