If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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