I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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