The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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