He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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