I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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