My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
