it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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