She is in my trunk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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