I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Still dying that you shit outside
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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