Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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