He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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