I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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