You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
