The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
