Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize