can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize