they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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