Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
