Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
