I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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