I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
