im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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