pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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