I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
