I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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