i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
