also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
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Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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