I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
