dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
