real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
