I wish I only lived at night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
