i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
