Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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