Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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