So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
