just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
