She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
