Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
