So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
