I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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