I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
