alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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