Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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