Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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