dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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